Kissaa Kahaani

April 17, 2013

Why Do I Love Malls!!!

I love malls. I love being there. It’s a colorful menagerie, vibrancy, people, life and what not! The lives in malls are always on move! And why do I love malls?? The other day I went to one such grand mall with my husband for dinner – allow me to narrate the beautiful sights I witnessed there, and you would know why love malls!

The moment we entered we were greeted with a welcome chaos, an organized anarchy. People skipping the queue for security check, being a weekend the whole place was crowded. I saw a daughter-in-law in traditional garbs, covering her head with pallu and her mother-in-law guiding her on the escalator. I saw a young pretty person in hot pants and hand-in-hand with her companion who was leaning in to whisper sweet nothings on the same escalator. I saw a tiny boy, scared and curious at the same time, he was trying to step on the escalator, cheered on by his father. The lad was soooo happy that when he actually stepped on the mechanical moving staircase,  his face reflected the victorious emotions as if he was the winner of the Mumbai Marathon! His father was equally proud when his miniature version turned and triumphantly shouted, “Dadda! I made it.”

And on the third floor, while sitting and whiling away time, we saw a super cute scene! A little girl (may be little more than 2 years old) was harassing her father. Let me try and recount the conversation verbatim.

Daughter to Dad, “Daddy I wanna ride a horse!” “No Kiddo, there are no horses in this mall, we will ride horse some other time.” Dad cajoled. With a tearful scowl and pouted lower lips, the daughter insists that she doesn’t care, “Be my horse no daddy! Juss for two minnets ride! Pleeeze, puhleeez, puhleez Daddy.” A resigned sigh resonated from the Dad’s throat and also the soft muttering, “You little blackmailing toddler, you take after your mother!” and then loudly, “Okies, common, just two minutes and no more!” The exuberance on the face of that little manipulative girl was a wonderful sight, she was jumping and skipping and laughing and finally the dad went down on his knees put the daughter on his back and was then on all fours. The horse and the rider started the chanting, “Chal mere ghode tic tic tic!” The two minutes went on to 10 minutes and both were unaware of the stares, smirks, wistful smiles and laughter of the fellow mall-goers.

As we sat down to have a pure vegetarian Rajasthani dinner (I somehow had the craving only for the vegetarian that day, though my husband believes that a Restaurant not having any chicken dish in the menu  is not worth being called a restaurant) and in come five, no. Ten, no. Thirteen people to have dinner. A Traditional Rajasthani family. Women in ghoonghat and men in kurtas and pagdis. Four tables were joined together and women sat near the wall, kids in between and then the menfolk.  The dinner commenced and criticism too. Eldest lady says, “I cook better, they call this Rajasthani Thali! I told you all not to waste money”.

A stroll to a home furniture store brought even more smiles.  Beautiful furniture assembled together to give a feel of one’s future dream home. Beds and sofas and dining tables and couches and night stands and kitchenware and furnishings. As we ooh-ed and aah-ed over various pieces, I saw one more couple doing the same in front of a display bedroom. They were looking at the stuff presented beautifully and I could see the beautiful desire in the guy’s eyes and dream in girl’s.

Yes I love malls. They sell not the merchandise but the dreams, the ambitions. Malls are not just a market place, an assembly of random shops; it’s a place where parents buy wedding trousseaus for their daughters. Malls are places where boyfriends buy a ring and propose to girlfriends. Malls are places where housewives escape cooking for a day and enjoy. Malls are place where break ups happen and make-ups happen. Malls are places where kids see the whole range of diverse colors- good and bad- and learn. I love malls, because I get to see so much of life there. I love malls, because I see so many emotions fleeting on the faces of mall-goers. I also love malls because I get to empty my husband’s pocket there!

April 30, 2011

The Watch.

Aakruti was aghast on phone, her face visibly paled. Animesh looked up from his paper and jumped to his feet and held her. She looked at him and said, “Anandi’s husband left her for a 22 year old girl and threw her and their son out of their house, she has nowhere to go”. “But they do have, its sad situation and who will help if not relatives”, said Animesh, “Ask them to bunk in here”. Animesh was a Sr. Project Manager at an MNC and was earning a hefty salary. With no children, his house looked bigger than it actually was. And he loved his peace. Aakruti wondered on his sudden generosity but shook it aside and went ahead to make the two spare rooms ready for her guests- Anandi her sister and Manav her 8 year old nephew whom she adored. She often thought when will she have her own child to adore, but Animesh was simply not ready even after 9 years and 8 months of their marriage. People already started looking at her with pity and her mother-in-law kept on calling to say how much her heart ached for a grandchild. But how can she say that its Animesh who is stalling the whole thing!! She just couldn’t. She loved him. Animesh set out for station to pick Anandi and Manav, if it were happening to someone else he would have laughed. He put his foot in his mouth. He put on his Pierre Cardin Watch, his only frivolous splurge, he realized that the watch was not working, he kept it in his pocket. “What was the need you dumb asshole”, he murmured to himself. But then he was right, where else his sister-in-law could go!? She and his wife were orphans abandoned by relatives after tragic accident of their parents and Aakruti was just 14 at that time. It was Anandi who was 18 who left her studies and joined a call center. Thank God they still had a roof on their heads. It was Anandi who made sure that Aakruti continues her studies without glitches and it Anandi who introduced Animesh and Aakruti and it was Anandi who arranged a simple wedding at when Aakruti was 24. Anandi married he boss when she was 30. She realized that it was impossible for her remain alone and ward of the ‘evil eye’ of the men in her vicinity. He boss was the only one showed some true compassion towards her. How wrong was she. By the end of the year she was blessed with Manav. Her life was complete, she was a success. Animesh respected Anandi, and in his heart he saw the reason for those ‘evil eye’ even at almost 38, she was beautiful and not an ounce of unnecessary fat on her body, tall and lithe and always active with ready smile and bright eyes. He was a man afterall- he knew that his sister-in-law very attractive and after a gap of almost 10 years- she was like a wine while his wife has started showing the signs of her battle with the age. He scolded himself for his train of thoughts and resolved to make sure that they wont stay here for more than required- a 2-3 weeks, a month tops! He will make some arrangements, get that woman a job and throw her out of his life. Anandi was bad news. Anandi was distraught. She was at her wits end. Where will she turn? What she would do now? Will he divorce her or will he come to his senses? Where will she live? What about Manav? “Why Madhav? Why? Why was I not enough for you? What does that virginal girl give you that I cant? Why are you punishing me? Why are you punishing your son”, she cried in her anguish and looked at Manav. Who was only 8, but was very perceptive and mature for his age. Who wouldnt be, if his mother is being sodomized by his father day in and day out. Anandi was glad too, she will be finally free of his. She couldnt leave him, she didnt have that much courage. Thank God he left her. The “chook chook” of the train was soothing and lulled her to sleep. She slept, she knew that she will finally be safe in her sister’s house. She saw Animesh and in relief of a familiar face who would not hurt her, she wept freely. Animesh hugged both of them, Manav hugged his knees while Anandi hugged his torso. Animesh felt his manhood stirring and released her. He loved Aakriti. They drove and chit chat continued in the car. As they reached the house, Aakruti came running and both sisters clung to each other and wept. While Manav looked at Animesh and remarked, “Women, their tears could end up drowning us men, eh Uncle” and laughed at his little joke. They went inside and after a while Anandi told her story to her only remaining family members. A week later, presence of Manav in the house made Aakruti resent her husband for depriving her of her chance of being a mother. More she interacted with Manav, more she felt the pang. She decided to punish Animesh and she chose the west weapon she had. Her body. That night when Animesh crawled in Aakruti kept her back towards him and swatted his advancing hands, “I dont feel like it Animesh. It seems useless to me” She said. “Animesh was shocked, he and Aakruti both loved their ‘Nightly Adventures’. But this was definitely something new, “What happened Kriti, you okay. Are you sick?” he was concerned. “Yes, I am as okay as I can be Anu, your mother called today, she came out of her veiled statements and asked me to go visit a doctor and see if there can be an alternative to my not being able to conceive even after 10 years of my marriage? What should I tel her Anu? That her son refuses to grow up? That he is too self absorbed? Tell me Anu”. “Whats wrong with you, what does simple sex has to do with it? Tell her to call me next time and do inform her that its none of her business” He retorted. “And what should I tell myself Anu? That its none of my business as well?” “Anu I want a child, my heart aches for one. Please” She pleaded but Animesh said that after two years only he will think and if they are not able to conceive one they will sponsor or adopt sor something. He leaned in to kiss her, Aakruti turned her face away and took her pillow to separate her from her husband and said that she wont allow him to touch her until she gets to be a mother. And she slept off. Animesh sighed and thought about the joke Manav said about women’s tears. He was feeling drowned. Its just a phase, it will pass off. He slept. But it didnot pass off. Animesh started feeling resentful towards his sister-in-law and his nephew. He wanted to talk to talk Aakruti into making these guests leave, but Anandi was still mourning her marriage and Manav has finally adjusted to new place, “It will be cruel to have him uprooted again, its just been two weeks, and anyways you are not at home in day, the house is all empty, if not my children, I have my sister’s son here”. The discussion was dismissed. As days passes Animesh started feeling like a stranger in his own house. Aakruti wont let him touch him, the dinner would always be of Manav’s choice and not his. Many ither small things. He just couldnt take it. He was looking at Aakruti give her clothes to the Laundryman for washing and ironing. She asked Animesh to hand over the trousers he was wearing yesterday for washing. That night he literally begged Aakruti for reconciliation. But she was as stubborn as a mule and refused to let him touch her. Around midnight he just had it, he couldnt sleep and he went out to the dining room and he saw Anandi there. Sitting looking out of the window. He went towards her and she was startled. He realized that she was weeping, he offered a brotherly hug, but as soon as his engulfed her in his arms, his intentions were not at all brotherly anymore. He leaned into kiss her neck, “What are you doing Animesh”, she flung away from his as if she was bitten by a snake. “Calm down Anandi, I am man and I love your sister but since 20 days she has shied away from me, you live here. It may sound rude but you live here for free, why not make a win-win situation for everyone”, Animesh gave a evil grin. “What exactly do you mean?” Anandi explored calmly. “See Anandi, Aakruti wants a child, I dont. You need a house and a job, you dont have any and I need you. Why dont I let you live here till whatever time you want, I will even get you a job, Manav will be a substitute son for Aakruti and in turn you can make me happy. In fact we all will be happy. One big happy family, what do you say Anandi”. Anandi had a look of disgust on her face. “You want me to trade in my son, my self respect and my body for you to let me stay here?”, a loud crack sounded as Anandi slapped Animesh. Animesh was shocked and by the time he came out of his trance he ran towards Anandi room which was bolted from inside. Animesh went back fuming. Early morning when Aakruti woke up, totally in the bliss of ignorance of the last night’s event in her house she saw Animesh ravaging drawers after drawers of their wardrobe. “Where is my watch” He asked her, “But I dont know!!” She retaliated. When she got out of the bathroom after a bath, she heard Animesh shouting. She came out to see Aakruti in silent tears and Manav being held by almost cruelly by Animesh who was repeatedly shaking him and asking over and over again, “where is my watch you little thief? , I saw you playing with it the other day”. Manav was too shocked to reply. Aakruti intervened and pried Manav away. She asked for the reason of commotion and Animesh said, “She may be your sister, and she may have sacrificed a lot for you, but she has to leave. I cant tolerate a thief at my house, whatever the age may be. Shows the nurturing of that child, doesnt it” He turned towards Anandi and mocked at her, “Were you thrown out of your husband’s home because of this very reason? I dont care you will have to leave, you are not my headache anymore.” And he stormed off. Aakruti was still confused, she was not able to make heads or tails from the whole scenario. She sat down at the chair by the window, too numb to say anything. After an hour, Anandi came out holding Manav’s hands and looked at Aakruti, “It doesnt matter, but still I say, my Son is not a thief.” and silently she walked away. Aakruti ran behind them and saw them going away, she just stood at the threshold looking at them. After a long time as she turned back to enter her house again, she saw the laundryman coming towards. He said, “Madam, here is a paper I found in Saheb’s pocket, I thought it must be important.” And he rambled away. Aakruti looked at the paper. It was a receipt. A bill for the repairing of his watch, which he will get back day after tomorrow.

March 29, 2011

And She Ran Away

She kept knocking at the door of the room, pleading. She was a prisoner in her own home. They wanted her to give birth to a child, a son. To continue the vamsa parampara. She didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want to. Its not that she didnt want to be a mother, she did. She simply didnt want to be the mother of the child of her husband…

There was a time when she loved her husband, she did his laundry, fed him good food, appeared as a good and dutiful escort whenever he needed her, she fulfilled her duty on bed. She really loved her husband. After all who was there for her! She had no one in her own family except for a brother who was ruled by his wife and the wife of the brother did not want to have to do anything with her for that matter. So she just had her in-laws, her husband, parents in-law and brother in-law. True, she was never treated like a princess, but she was never mistreated as well. Well you cannot call occasional taunts and criticism and demeaning comparisons as mistreatment and torture, will you! No one raised a finger on her… may be once or twice when her husband was drunk, he hit her, but only when he was drunk, never otherwise. And since he used to go around with big league people, he had to drink, to maintain a status quo and the PR, you know these things are so necessary when you are a budding entrepreneur. She was an educated girl, she understood and once sobered, her husband apologized, so she knew he didnt mean it. She was if not happy, quite content with what she had. She was no different than others in these matters. However things started changing for her when last month her husband was down with high fever.

When we have simple fever, what’s the best remedy? Go to a chemist, take some antipyretic drug, pop it in and sleep. Most probably its some kind of virus, it will go down in maximum three days, and it will also ensure at least three to four days of relaxation, guaranteed attention from people at home. And of course it will also mean a good break from the daily junk intake and result in healthy food for 3 days. A fever is a respite. But in the case f her husband, the fever remained for a week and temperature kept fluctuating between 100 to 105. It started bothering her. She begged and begged but he didnt want to go to the doctor. It was a waste of time and money. She approached her brother in-law, who rarely talked to her. She requested him to take her husband to some doctor. The brother in-law was so surprised by her initiative to talk that he simply said yes and then realised what a time wasting activity he put himself upto. Well there was no backing up now.

The brother in-law and the husband went to the doctor at the local medical centre to meet their local doctor. However they were surprised to see a young fellow instead of the regular doctor. The new doctor informed that the older one chose to retire and the government appointed him here. This out-of-the-woods-babe was so enthusiastic about his first appointment as a doctor and his first patient that he wanted a thorough investigation of the cause of the fever. The husband was fully scrutinized and was made to undergo numerous tests. Medicines were given. Finally they came home, thinking all is over.

The all was not over yet. It just started.

The young doctor at the clinic was so eager with his new job that he run all the tests he could on all the liquid and solid matter he received from the poor husband’s body. The result was stunning. He wanted to deliver such a big and drastic and life changing diagnosis himself. He also was curious to see the reaction. Yes, it was sadistic if you want to think so. But it also gave him the opportunity to learn to deal with the ways people handle such news, it will help him in future. Who was to know that he will land with such a big case on his first day.

The two story house showed that the family was rich and opulent enough. He approached the house. He was welcomed in with warmth. After all, it was not unusual for the ‘people with post’ coming to the house and paying the visit. They were well networked and respected people. The heads of the family, that is all three males were present and laughing. The Mother-in-law, doctor guessed her to be the mother in-law, bellowed for her to come to the kitchen and prepare some snacks for the young doctor. After fifteen minutes of formal talking points she came with a few plates laden with sweets and snacks for his endeavor. She gave a shy smile and the doctor was struck with beauty in her simplicity. He suddenly felt inadequate and wanted to protect her from the blow he was about to give her. He wanted to hug and sympathize with her. He wanted to just hold her. He rebuked himself for his constant rubbish thoughts. And spoke out to her to stay. He then turned to her husband. Saying that he wanted to say something about his falling health. He has run all the tests and now has a concrete result, of course if he wanted he can go for a second opinion in a better private hospital, but the result will remain unchanged. He has AIDS.

She was puzzled. AIDS. She knew what is AIDS. She learned about it from her first year in the medical college before she quit it to get married, before her parents left her in this sad world and died in a road mishap, before her brother decided that he cannot take the burden of her education anymore. She was still reminiscing about her first year at medical college when she realized she was not on her feet but lying on the floor. The young doctor’s face swam before her eyes. This doctor was too young and good looking. Would she had had this confidence which he has now if she were a doctor. She smiled at the doctor suggestively. And she realized with horror that her husband was dying. The Doctor helped her to her feet, all the while her family sat there looking like zombies. The husband suddenly rose from his shock and rebuked the doctor, saying it was mean way of stealing money. Suddenly things started changing before her eyes. She suddenly swayed and realized that the doctor who was still holding her was hit by a force which was her brother in-law. The mother in law was screaming things which she never said, about her and the young doctor she just met! She smiled on her own, she keeps referring to him as the young doctor. Se suddenly felt someone calling her and looked up to see the person of her thoughts on the doorway, exiting. He turned and asked her to get a full check up.

The next week was whirl wind. Doctors, hospitals, tests. Not hers. Her husbands. Everything was confirmed. The fears were testified. It felt as if someone already died. His immune system was beyond repairs. It was settled that he would die. When, no one knew. It could be today, tomorrow or after a year. He was now in a hurry to settle away the remnants of his life. The will. Of course, he would get a life insurance but wont wont tell about his condition and jeopardize his chance of getting one. And the nominee will be his mother. The business will go to his brother. The house and land, his share of it shall go to his father and he shall decide whom to allot it to in his will whenever he wants. All the loans have to be paid. Everything has to be done. In all this stuff he forgot one thing. He was childless, by his own choice, in the three years of this matrimony.

And thus he forced himself upon her, blaming that she gave him AIDS, that she was a slut, and therefore she shall suffer- either she will give him a child, a son. Or She will die with him. Sati Prata was not dead as many claim. And here she was, locked in this room, given meal only at night just before her husband came in to our all his fear and all his frustration into her since last three days.

Tonight. She resolved to end the drama tonight. She will run away. She will go to some Ashram or to that NGO that police lady was running. She will be free. Just a few more hours. Whole say she waited in that locked room. Night fell. She decided to prepare. But she had nothing with her! No she had nithing to take with her, just the saree she is wearing will do fine and let her husband come, she will sneak some money from his pocket and may be his gold cufflink and chain. That should suffice. She waited for her husband to come.

All the while he was inside her, her mind was outside her- formulating what she would do once she is once she is free, where to go, what to do… her brother would send her back, and she was out of touch from her friends. She decided to run away to the doctor, she would get herself checked. And then she would ask him for his advise about continuing her education, if she has a chance of becoming a doctor. After three years of solitude, she knew she has chances none to next to become a doctor, but she can certainly become a nurse, and sustain herself. But from where will she bring the money for education.

Her husband yanked himself out and fell on her. He shivered with repulsion which her husband took as a tremor of pleasure, typical husband. He taunted her and rolled off. She waited. One hour passed by, then another. She stole her way towards the bathroom, draped her sarree properly, took her purse- saw she has around three hundred rupees and then she took a shawl- her husbands black shawl, this shall help her hide in the dark. She took from the night stand, her husband’s wallet, his watch and slowly unhooked the gold chain from his neck. He didnt even stir- it was a drunken sleep.

She opened the door of her bedroom, came out and ran away. She had no idea where she will be going, what kind of world she will meet outside, she just ran. Towards her freedom….

March 7, 2011

Jaane Kaha Gaye Wo Din…

What a craze it was!!!! at least 10-15 or more years back! todays kids thrive on Superman, He-man, SpiderMan, X-Men and all the other western heroes, while Indian Super Heroes are suffering due to the ever increasing fame of Western Super Heroes, here comes a time to revive the memories of long forgotten our own Indian Heroes, the legacies of Diamond and Raj Comics.

First and foremost in mind can be no other than Nagraj; the green skinned man,with a lock of hair shaped like a snake’s hood and snakes flowing out of his wrist as and when he wishes!

He is the creation of Parshuram Sharma, Nagraj is the Ichhadhari Naag (A snake which can take the form of a Man at wish) . He is the protector of the Metro City-Mahanagar and is the enemyof evil, of terrorism. His perennial enemies are Nagpasha-his uncle, Prof. Nagmani, Thodanga, Nagina, Vishandhar,Nagpasha, Gurudev. he remains victorious because of the guidance of his mentor Guru Gorakhnath, blessing of his deity- Dev Kalajayi, devotion of his wives Visarpi and Bharti, and all the snakes which residein his body. his powers include his ability to become invisible, ability to blow the poisonous breath and kill the enemies, lots of snakes coming in and out of his body, his yoga power and much more! he is one of the most most admired and loved super heroes of India

And then if Nagraj is the top name in Indian Heroes then Anupam Sinha’s creation Super Commando Dhruv is the epitopme of a Human Being without naturally bestowed power, who proved that you dont have to have a spider bite you, or to be born on another planet, to be a super hero! you just need to have passion and compassion! you just need determination! this is what Dhruv is!

this orphan, born and brought up in Jupiter Circus is nimble and a master in Martial Arts, a great and unmatched Trapeze artist; since he lived with animals and birds for most of his young life, he can understand and converse in their language! the various skills he learned in the circus, he nurtured and developed! plus is great common sense! he was adopted by a Inspector General Rajan and his family, Rajan’s daughter is also a Super Heroin (Chandika) and she puts her life at risk for her brother often! He comes often in comic books with Nagraj, and saves the world from the attack of Terror. in the latest series, which is almost a depiction of Ramayana (Varan Kand, Grahan Kand, Haran Kand etc), Nagraj has a character similar to that of the Rama and Dhruv depicts Lakshamana. He also trains his neighbor hood kids to combat, top utilize resources, to use common sense and to be the Commando force! He is in love with Commander Natasha, daughter of his arch enemy Grand Master Robo, and got separated from her father voluntarily to marry Dhruv, they have son named Rishi. Another great ally of Dhruv is Dhananjaya, an Aqua-Human character who helps Dhruv in most difficult of circumstances. this character of Dhruv has stolen many a heart and is part of many fantasies! 🙂

If all super heroes are good and pure, there are few who defy law, who believe in eye for an eye and who don’t think twice before taking an action! this description best suits Doga. this Angry Young Man of the Streets is the savior of those unfortunates, who cant save them selves. And he has an army of dogs, who would die at one signal of Doga, without hesitating!
first time a well known Indian Super Hero is going to be on Silver Screen, and Doga is going to be the one to get the credit! Kunal Kapoor is going to act as Doga in Anurag Kashyap’s would-be flick.
Doga was originally Suraj, an orphan, who was brought up by a Daku Halkan Singh, who treated him as a Dog, hence Doga. he left the Daku to be with Adrak Chacha, his mentor and guide and his brothers. the four brothers trained Doga in Gym, Marksmanship, Boxing and Martial Arts. Suraj became Doga when these brothers were killed mercilessly by Killota. This fighter of the streets is misunderstood by the law and police for his ruthless behavior but he is admired and feared as well. his secret identity is known by a few of his trusted- inspector Cheetah, and Monika who is his long lost love Sonu, whom he takes to be dead. he also has a sister Kiran.

and then comes Bhokal! the warrior, the male pari or tha Protector of Fairies, king of Parilok! This ancient age super hero is the protector and defender of Vikasnagar. in Parilok, his parents are killed by Fuchang, whom he kills with the help of his friends Shootan, Atikrur and Turee, whom he loves and finally marries. this Hero invokes the name of the his Guru Mahabali Bhokal to gain super strength when he needs it, and he can fly, gets the most powerful shield and sword. he also had a pair of wings, but that was destroyed by the enemies. Bhokal had three wives, Tureen Rupsi and Saloni.

Other famous super heroes are Parmanu, Shakti, Tiranga, Inspector Steel, Agniputrs Abhaya, Shaktiman, Captain Vyom and many more.

We as kids used to thrive on these comics and series, they used to transport us to the unknown lads of adventure and fun. they made us feel the importance of good and bad, of winning the inner devil in order to conquer the world. they taught us that we don’t need super humane power to be a super hero; it just takes determination and compassion. Now a days television sets and computer games take over the lives of the kids, how unfortunate is the life of an average kid today! No more nurturing of fantasy the way we used to do through books and comics. the fun associated and the enigma hidden in the next page was used to be so scintillating! i still read those comics and remember those long lost glories of these characters.

The Unfaithful

(The story i present here is based on the song ‘Unfaithful’ by Rihanna)

She was putting on her lipstick, a bright red one on her luscious full lips, sitting in front of the mirror. She was proud of her lovely looks; she was above attractive, if not extraordinary. Even at 37, she radiated a glow of youth. Her face was full and heart-shaped, perfectly arched eyebrow with widely set, midnight black eyes which were eternally moist. She had this adorable habit of teasing her lower lip with her teeth; she knew the devastating effect this had on men. And her best features were her jawline, sharp and perfectly angled. Her body was that of a heavenly nymph, at least if we believe her husband.

She was getting ready to meet her man, the man who made her feel alive; not the man who was her husband. This is her life, her story. She strove throughout her life to reach, to achieve, what was right. While she continued to feverishly pursue what she conceived to be ‘right’, it always eluded her. She did not have a ‘right’ set of parents, nor did she have ‘right’ and worthy siblings, never a ‘right’ and proper teacher… She thought she will at least marry right. Oh! He did seem right. He did everything in a most proper, most right way. Even his love-making used to be so right that it seemed methodical to her…

Wait! She reflected back at her reflection. She married him because he was, he is right. But after eight years of ‘right’ness and extremely boring life, she realized that it was actually ‘wrong’ which attracted her and to escape this ‘wrong’, she gravitated towards what she thought as ‘right’. She smiled sarcastically at her confusion between wrong and right.

He loves her so, her husband. His world starts and ends with her- the total Romeo Juliet Cliched love. He considers that colors of this nature are because of her, the days are bright and nights are dark because of her, the sun rises and sets because of her… And she is aware of this demand-less and unconditional love of his. But she just couldn’t be true to him, to his love. This love suffocated her; however grateful she was for his company, for his presence in her life, for his love, all and much more, he still stifled her. And she felt her eyes getting much more moist than usual. She wiped her eyes at the core; she couldn’t let her tears escape the boundaries of her eyes, can she? It will smudge the kohl and mascara.

She stood up and selected an Oscar de la Ranta for the evening- A short red dress with scooped neckline which will enhance her figure and give her an edge. She knew that she would look irresistible. She looked at her semi-naked body in the full length mirror and knew that her firm body had so much more to offer than any lithe teen goddess who could never match up to her. She smiled. And then she was sad. She knew that he knew about her misadventure and she knew that her unfaithfulness is tearing him apart, eating him alive, her actions were hammering the desolation, the death in his heart. He knew that even with his devotion, with his love, he can never, never make her happy as she could never be happy with him- She chose to be happy with her man, the ‘outsider’, that third member of their marriage. It was an open secret, and they both knew that.

She felt a prick of tear again and a pain in her heart. She never wanted to hurt anyone. She was not venomous. She wanted to free him, free him of their sham of a marriage and his love. But she was too dependent on him- not for her happiness, but for a balance, for stability. She knew that every time she stepped out of her home, he had this uncertain look on his eyes- was this the last time she was going out? Will she ever come back again to him?

She wore the dress and she decided to pull her hair up for this evening- a new hairdo; her lover loved to free her hair and play with it- an enticing hair fetish, he called it. She let a strand of hair lie just like that, kissing her left cheek. She picked up her handbag and slipped her delicate feet in Jimmy Choo. She headed toward the main door but paused to consider something and turned and smiled at her husband. She walked towards him, leaned and gave him a kiss which displayed her gratitude and her guilt. She brushed his cheek with her thumb and looked in his eyes and with genuineness still residing inside her she promised to come back home soon, she had to go out you see, she promised her girlfriends an evening of fun and frolics quite a long time ago and now she cannot back out, it won’t look good on her social credibility criteria. He smiled and nodded at her saw her turn away, it seemed that his eyes remained on the door for a long times as he saw his life going away.

He knew that there was no girlfriend. He knew that she did not want to hurt him, but she had no self restrain. He could never be angry at her. He was not sad, as long as she was happy. He just couldn’t bear to see her in dullness and nor could he tear their bond away. He was as dependent on her as she was on him.

He turned and administered his chair in the direction of balcony and wheeled himself toward the outer railing just in time to see his wife getting in car with that ‘outsider’…

A few Tidbits of love…

She was talking to him in the barest of whisper, her lips almost not moving. The tiny throbs at the base of her neck was the only indication that she was speaking. They were together and they wanted to pour into each other their everything- heart, body and soul. As they walked, they took lightest of steps and as they spoke, it was in the lowest of voices. They were careful not to disturb the sanctity and silence of the cloudless, clear night; slightly washed by the light of crescent moon.

She said, “ I am fortunate to have you here by my side in this cold night. I am thankful you chose to be with me now; me, whom you know barely as a person, but know you me as ‘one of the people’ since last few years. Well, more than a few years. I remember seeing you then, and wondering about you. No, you were never a part of my adolescent fantasies, but still there was your presence.”

“Now that you are here, holding my hands, I want to say something. I want to, actually, proclaim my feelings, for I am so confused that hearing myself say it might clear my own doubts about how I feel. You see, when i saw you three days back, after so many years- you took me away from me. You never said that you love me, you never expressed what you do feel. Now I do not know what do we have together, for you never utter a word. You are always silent and I can never listen to you, even if you speak, I can only hear emptiness. I cannot dare to leave my world and come to you, for I do not know what I can give you and what I can take from you.”

“All I know that the time I spend with you are my own even if you are not mine, it doesn’t matter. I took from my destiny, what you could never give me. Now I want to give you something, I am giving you a farewell gift. Yes darling, now I am leaving. I am asking the winds to take you back, from where you came. But before you go, here is what I have brought for you.”

“ I stole from the time, few moments of my own with you.. and I stole from my emotions, a few strands of affection as my offerings to you… I stole from my soul, a tiny piece of my heart… and I stole from the sun, a ray of hope.. I took away a beat and skip from my own heart… and I took away a ragged breath… and I sorted through and kept aside a slight moan of pleasure… and then i found a thread on the wrinkled sheet… and I made this keepsake, this charm for you to take away as a memory- a few tidbits of love…”

(c) Mamta Kashyap
February 22, 2011 at 11:00pm

Papa, for you…

Filed under: The Memories Unfogged — MK @ 2:30 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I write this in May 2008, for papa. I mailed it to him and he never replied however i got to know from other ppl that he showed it off! That’s him and his silent love!

i dont remember the first time my father picked me up and held me….
he must have been proud and must have woven a dream around me in that moment…
he must have thought whether he would be able to be around me forever
and will he be able to care for me and protect me and comfort
forever…
the answer must have been no, for i wont be with him forever…

i dont remember the expression on his face when i would have taken my
first step…
he must have tought of all the long tiring paths i will have to take…
he must have wondered will he be able to hold me when i stumble….
the answer must have been no, for my paths are my own to travel…

i dont remember what would have been his reaction when i first went to
him complaining about someone…
he must have comfroted me and would have agonozed over my infant agony…
he must have mulled, will he be able to shield this forever…
the answer would have been no, for i have to fight my own battles…

i dont remember what he said about my first failure in series….
he must have told- there is always a next chance, dont lose heart…
he must have thought, will he always be around to show me the next chance….
the answer would have been no, for i have to leasrn to digest my own failure…

i dont remember how he must have been radiant on my first sucess…
he must have flourished and must have celebrated my nominal tiny sucess…
and he must have thought may God give her all the sucess…
all his prayers would have been directed for my favors…

all i know the trouble i caused him…
the pain gave him…
worry for my future and a sadness whenever he realizes that i wont be
with him forever…

 

All i know that he stood by, in rain amd sumshine, all i kNow he tried to sjow me the right way and still supported me when i was wrong, all i know that he took time to understand me but he did understand me! He is the best father a girl could have asked for!

(c) Mamta Kashyap
July 20, 2010 at 9:06pm

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