Kissaa Kahaani

September 18, 2018

A Fistful of Silence

Filed under: The Unadulterated Magic — MK @ 2:20 am

If there were colors for everything, what color would be the air breathed in and what would be the color of heartbeats?

And love, what color would that be? Angelic white? Or would it be something like a multicolored stein glass? And what if that love is maligned with a darkness? Would that be like an ugly ink stain on a white sheet?  What color would belong to motherhood? An array of illogical colors or a beautiful rainbow out there? And childhood? And intimacy? and anger? and desperation? Sadness? and prayers? What would be the color assigned to a fistful of silence?

Her mind kept on wandering these days… she felt like giving up and not run the race she has been running since last 5 years… since that fateful night she was betrothed to someone . She wanted to study further… but she belonged to an Indian middle class family, full of daughters, she being the eldest… Studies can be continued even after her marriage, her in-laws willing… The prospective groom was a handsome, highly educated and high-earning guy and the best part – he was an only child. The khandaan was a big one, the old money and all! They had selected her only because of her untarnished good and innocent looks. Aise rishte baar baar nahi aate…

And she cursed the day she consented and fell in love with a photograph. Her fiance couldn’t find time enough to come and meet her, anyway what was the use. It was the era of telecommunication. And Roka was taken care of by the elders… whatever talks they had over the phone, were stilted… she thought he is shy and reveled in the new found love. How was she to know…

The Big Fat Indian shadi happened. With all the hopes and all the nervousness she entered her new home. The Neighborhood ladies oohed and aahed over her looks and her mother-in-law was smug that she got the best looking bahu in the society. Th cousins and the friends teased her and her heart was filled with a sweet anticipation… that night 5 years ago when she was sitting coyly in the bed with ghoonghat covering her till knees, waiting for her husband of few hours to come over and to love her, she did not know what a fateful night it would be.

He came. But instead of coming to her with love, she heard his harsh voice. He told her that she will have access to the best of luxuries, if she wants, she can throw the money whichever way she wanted, but she was not to expect anything from him. He doesn’t love her, he doesn’t want her. He claimed that he already told this to her father but by then invites had already gone out. And it was a question of izzat for both the families. He is in love with someone else and is in a live in relationship but that girl was not into marriage. So he had to listen to his parents and give in to their request for a properly wedded bahu. And he left. She remained. In her wedding trousseau and ghoonghat till her knees. Sitting on that bed. She has been alone since that day. 5 years…

Her in-laws kept the show affection for few days… but then they were also miffed that the bahu couldn’t straighten their stray son. So she left. All she was left with some self respect and ambition. There was no place for her at the home also. Her own mother told her to bear with it, they have two more daughters to get married off. To keep up the pretense. She kept up with it, with her silence.

And since last 2 years, things have been difficult. She had been receiving calls from her “Husband” for divorce. What kind of marriage was this one that it needed divorce? And for some unexplained reason, she still felt a tug looking at his photographs and felt disgusted with herself. She had resolutely told him that she wouldnot divorce him.

 

 

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