A Mother’s Woes

I am a proud mother of a 20 month old son and I have learned in these 20 months that you cannot and should not ever judge a parent. Every parent is a unique. Circumstances are unique and every child depends on his/her parents for his thought process and his upbringing. And moreover every child is unique. Circumstances, situation, locations, culture, upbringing, genes… all are very important factors, but the most important factor is the child him/her-self. How he eats and what he eats. What he plays with, what he prefers, when he walks, talks, poops – its all about the child. So I have learned not to judge a parent, and neither a child.

In these 20 months I have seen people observing my son’s weight – “he is too big for his age, do you overfeed him?” I have seen people commenting on his long curly adorable locks – “Why are you delaying removing his birth hair, I did it when mine was just 2 month old”. I have met people who advise me on his eating habit – “Why are you still giving him mashed food, he will never learn how to chew?” “He cannot form sentences yet? Mine started blabbering at 10 months.” “You as parents should not allow him too much videos or nursery rhymes.” “You son still uses bottles to drink water?” “You son is still not potty trained?” and what not. My response is just a smile. I do not know what else to do! I do not know how to tell them off without being rude.

The judging is still okay. Children are part of society and everyone has a right on them. What irks me is the stereotyping. I am constantly told, “He looks like a girl, why do you tie a pony tail for him?” Or “Do not buy pink for him. He is a boy.” I am told that I should not buy soft toys for him, or dolls. I say, how does it matter!! My son loves playing with his minuscule female figurine, Meera. Whom he calls “Meeya”. He likes diving in to my purse or to dangle it on his hands and try to walk like me. He loves venturing into kitchen and play with pots and pans. He looks adorable in a high ponytail, or with his curls tucked behind his ears with hair-clips. He likes listening to Little Red Riding Hood and the Beauty & the Beast. He plays with my neck-pieces and jewelries and other trinkets.

Toys are just that. Toys. Colors are just that. Colors. We would be stereotyping if we say segregate colors and toys based on gender. Babies are born unbiased. They are the purest forms of human being. Untouched. Innocent. Perfect. We are the ones who create biases. Gender based and otherwise. Colors and toys and long hair don’t define my son’s, or for that matter any child’s, basic nature.

We, in India, need to focus on bringing up good and decent citizen, of who we should be proud of, of whom nation should be proud of. We don’t need to teach our children biasness and difference between a girl and a boy. We need to tell them how wonderfully, how beautifully unique they are. We need to tell them that their smiles are the best in the world. We need to teach to live. We need to teach them to be generous and ambitious. We just need to tell them that they are our suns and our moons and our stars and will always be.