Kissaa Kahaani

November 21, 2011

I have a secret

Filed under: The Memories Unfogged,The Unadulterated Magic — MK @ 3:59 pm

“I have a secret.”
Sigh… everyone has a secret… I don’t want the burden to carry anymore secrets on my shoulders, but she is my friend… do I have a choice? Clearly, No!

I saw the look in her eyes, the faraway, wistful look, a smile playing in those eyes but her body language defied those looks- she was leaning on the table and her lips were quivering as if she wanted to weep, her face was aglow – either she as blushing or was hurting, I couldn’t say- even after meeting so many people, and suffering through what-nots, I was still not able to gauze what goes in the mind of those around me- I am not gullible, I am plain stupid.

“Do you want to talk about it? We can move away from the table.” “No, I am fine,” she gave a radiating smile and excused herself. She baffles me; no one can ever say what will be her mood the very next second. One moment she was dying to tell me her secret and next second she brushes me off and moves away… she is a mystery all right.

She has a weird story, some of which I know, some I just guess. She met her man when she was still in school. She loved him to death. She would go each evening to his house, prepare food for him, serve it and come back home to tolerate her mother’s wrath on being in the vicinity of a single man who is living alone. He had no parents and was several years older than her, his elder sister was already married off to a comfortable household and was now nurturing her two kids while watching all the TV saas bahu shows. He was not a wonderful guy, not good-looking but he loved her and she loved him! That was the end of the matter. For her, anyways.

What he did not know however was her temper, I am guessing here that he did know- but he chose to believe that he would be able to handle her. He would be able to calm her down with his love. She fought with her family to marry him and she won. He won. They were one. Wow! I am quite poetic today, aren’t I!?

The hell started then. As the marriage begun, love ended. The need was still there, passionate physically raw need, but no love. The fight started on their Suhag ki Sej itself. It was a pity. She realised, it’s too late now- she can’t go back to endorse her maiden name when she has already accepted her husband’s name. The habits which were adorable to her were now irritating. And on her part, she was taken aback by sudden restrictions on her free movement- earlier she used to go bike rides with her macho friends, or for a group sleepover or a slumber party- but now that she was married, her husband did not like going to other guy’s house- he did not have a problem with the friendship- he had a problem with intimacy.

To escape the daily bickering and to maintain the peace of mind, she decided to enrol herself for further studies and went to another state altogether- instead of finding ways to shorten the gap, those two idiots who were in love earlier decided to increase the gap as they deemed it to be the only available solution. Instead of sitting and talking and renewing the love- they decided to fight it out- the marriage became the games of the gladiator and they both wanted to win without compromising.

Soon two years passed and her studies came to an end. But she was still not sure of her stand with her husband, she was not yet sure whether that love, that flame is still there or gone… But instead of finding out, to unravel the paradox, to free the proverbial Schrödinger’s cat from the box, she decided to move further away- once again.

She did not realize it, but she could be very dominating and insensitive. Once her sister-in-law came to visit her for a week with her small kids- and kids being kids, disrupted the household with their untimely shrieks, their unabashed demands drove this young woman crazy and to top it all, the sister-in-law decided, one night to skip dinner at her hosts’ place- however the poor woman did not realize that her brother’s wife has already cooked for her and her kids. When they returned from restaurant, all hell broke loose and the sister-in-law was asked to leave and not to ever come back as this was not her house and the mistress of the house also demanded an apology for she went into so much trouble. The husband could not tolerate it and slapped the wife. This incident was like fire in the oil spill in Pacific Ocean. The remaining chance of peace was now gone. She went on to find a job in a nearing city while her husband remained behind to tend to the family business.

On her family’s insistence and because deep down she knew that she has to revive her love, she decided to stay in a place which was only 4 hours away from her husband. But it turned out that she was not so sure about her choice anymore…

In her new workplace, she met a man- a young handsome man in mid thirties who was charming and pleasant. It was a nice change to her husband and she, it was not intentional- mind you, it just happened- and she felt a powerful; attraction towards him. She was lonely and her hormones demanded more and she was pulled by the string maneuvered by that guy and she found herself entangled the web she spun herself. Ironic. She tried to tell her friends in co many words about her many adventures with this Black Knight, but she was tied up with the moral obligations of human society.

This was her first secret- I knew it, not because she told me, but because she wanted to tell me. She would flutter, she would glow, she would sigh and she would always try to say something which would make no sense – at least not to my ears, my dumb stupid ears.

And suddenly she stopped talking with Black Knight, she never revealed why. However with all this, there was a dark change in her personality. She stopped talking and laughing, she would respond only when required and would not smile at all. Her sullenness made impossible for people around her to enjoy her company. She would behave normally with others who are not part of regular social circle but with us, she behaved as if she was doing us a favour by hanging with us and it was against her wish to do so. I used to get irritated. Once I remember, we all were going out to Dinner and she was with us. Suddenly she says that she wants to go someplace else, I looked at her and told her that I am comfortable being here and then suddenly she stood up and gathered her coat and her purse and stormed out of the restaurant while we all sat agape at her latest antics. She started to get on my nerves but before I could vent my anger and frustrations on her, she found a new muse.

She would regale us with her new muse’s antics- how he can talk non-stop; how he could make time run faster; how he keeps on entertaining her; how he can talk to himself he finds no listeners available. She would go to breakfast with him, she would find excuses to be near him, and suddenly this new muse became her second secret. Surprisingly, this new guy was too naïve to understand her signals. He was same to all girls, same laughter; same talks etc. She was soon bored by him- he did not give her that kind of attention which she sought. Things, kind of, died down.

Then one day her third secret started. She made me a part of it- partially. She told me that someone has asked her out knowing that she is already married and moreover- he himself is married. She said that she wants to say no and that she will refuse his actions. And to add to it, she said that feels glad someone adores her. She was glowing, smiling; she was on the top of her world. That incident made me decide.

I am not a moralistic person, nor I am the righteous one- in fact, I have a few escapades of my own, but that was long long time ago. And I have straightened myself and my path. Though she was a friend of mine, I decided to maintain a distance with her. I knew that the day of disaster was near. And I was not wrong. I maintained a façade of friendship with her- on an impersonal level and I kept on getting a glance of her life- though I was no more affected by her antics. For instance, I know now that she is having “Affair on Flames” her new beau- that married man, and I am not anymore interested in getting dragged into yet another scandal. I want a clean chit for myself.

Who doesn’t love a good gossip, even I do. I just hope that these incidents and men in her life won’t destroy her marital bliss- or her social standing.

I do not yet know what will be the end of her story in future. Nor do I want to guess. Nor I want you to guess. I am just telling you a secret…

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