Kissaa Kahaani

April 28, 2011

Two And A Half Men

boy!!! You have to love these two and half men!!!

Alan- Because of the way you live your life, bad things have to happen to you to even things out.
Charlie- Well, I don’t agree.
Alan- It’s not up for debate! It’s a law, like gravity!
Charlie- I agree with gravity.
Alan- Oh yeah, no one would ever want you falling off the planet with nothing to hump but satellites!

Charlie Harper: [Trying to seduce Alan like he would a lady, so Alan would agree to have dinner] So where do you wanna go, baby?
Alan Harper: That’s, er, that’s very funny.
Charlie Harper: No, no, no. Let’s get something hot in you and then get something “hot” in you.
Alan Harper: Knock it off!
Charlie Harper: Gee, you smell good!
Alan Harper: You know what? OK, OK, I’ll just stay here and have a popsicle.
Charlie Harper: Oh, you’ll be getting the popsicle!
Alan Harper: Fine, fine! You pick the restaurant.

Alan- Charlie, I think your girlfriend tried to put a curse on me.
Charlie- O, Alan, who in the world hasn’t tried to do that?

Alan Harper: Do you know the problem with sushi?
Charlie Harper: Besides eating it with you?
Alan Harper: It’s all fleshy and flappy and wet. Feels unnatural against my tongue.
Charlie Harper: Hey, Al?
Alan Harper: What?
Charlie Harper: I think I know why your marriages didn’t work out.

Alan: (wondering where Jake is) I hope he didn’t wander under the bleachers during lunch hour.
Charlie: Ah, he’s smarter than that.
Alan: Smart? Charlie, he only got out of 6th grade because he couldn’t fit in the desks anymore.

Charlie Harper: So what’s your plan? Where are you headed?
Jake Harper: I’m gonna stay here.
Charlie Harper: Oh, you can’t stay here.
Jake Harper: Why not?
Charlie Harper: Because your’e running away. “Away”, according to the dictionary, means “not here”. It’s usually preceded by the words “Far far”, or in your case “Go”.

Gordon: God, I love your life.
Charlie: Thanks, but it’s really not as fun as it looks.
Gordon: Really?
Charlie: Nah, I’m kidding! Cheers to me!

Charlie: I remember your high school friend Jamie Eckleberry. We used to call her Eckleberry Hound.
Alan: You used to call her that.
Charlie: I didn’t name her that. I just spread it around. Hey, be sure to keep her off the rug.
Alan: Very funny. You know she’s very successful in her field.
Charlie: Oh, how nice. She has a field to run around in!
Alan: This is getting old.
Charlie: In people or dog years? Look, I’ll be nice. I’ll say hello… then scratch behind her ears.
Alan: Are you done yet?
Charlie: I hope she looks fetching. OK, now I’m done.
[There’s a knock at the door. Jamie enters, wearing a curve hugging dress and showing off lots of cleavage]
Charlie: [with his mouth hanging open] Woof!

Alan: You have five grand in your sweatpants?
Charlie: I prefer to think of it as “three hookers and a Philly cheesesteak.”

Alan: What happens if her husband catches you?
Charlie: Then he shoots me and you can have my house and car.
Alan: Go to her, Charlie. She’s waiting!

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